Will You  ?
by Kenneth Black
Summary: Makoto Kino wonders if she can ever quench this taboo smolder in her heart, and when she encounters a near-death situation, revealing her feelings seems to be the least of her worries.


A/N: . . . ^^ Just drabbles. Wow, now I know what people mean when they say it's just 'drabbles'. . It's a feeling of ultimate release to let ideas just flow. Huh.

DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon characters aren't mine. It seems I'm writing more on a whim nowadays, and I hope this becomes consistent, since I use writing as my punching bag to get out all the wierd feelings life slams at ya. ^^

_**Will You. . .?**_

_She'll never think of me. _

_I can tell. _

_It's that same look in her eyes, the one where she's got this certain person who's above all the rest in her mind. It's too much, too painful to even think about. _

_What kind of fantasies has she had, of them?_

_Please, I pray every night to the God above that watches over us, please guide her and make her find that one happiness that she's searching for. If she falls, please soften that blow and let her learn from her mistakes. Make her stronger, for me. _

_I've always loved her eyes. _

_They grin at me, almost teasing even as she frowns at others, then at me. Seemingly, not usually me, which is why I have to treasure her every move towards me, intentional or not, forever. Maybe not forever. Maybe one day I will have a certain someone to come home to, to say the words I've never really said my whole life. _

_It's funny, that. _

_Those three words, the ones people say will change who you are, who you'll be, forever. The ones that bind you into a relationship, single-sided or not. _

_I. . . _

_. . can't say it. Not that I can't. More like, I won't. It would hurt too much, even if I allowed myself that small bit of hope. She may have the smallest idea inside of her, that it might be me, but even if she did, and I knew of it, I'm sure I'd never act on my feelings. _

_I've never before. _

_And it's harder when she scootches closer to me, says my name. It's pratically torture, the way she says it. I've never felt so connected to myself in my life, so glad I'm me and she's taken the time to say my name. _

_This is dumb. _

_I shouldn't even be thinking of this. _

_Nope, not at all. _

_Especially not in the middle of a battle, where countless lives would be in danger, are already are, if I make too many mistakes. I've already made many. But the battle inside of me is growing much more devastating than any battle I've ever fought before. _

_Ever. _

_Dodge a kick, block a punch, that's come second nature and natural to me. It's as easy as breathing, and even more so because I've been granted the privilege of wielding the powers of a full-turned senshi. _

_Funny how life works out. _

_It's also funny how my mind wanders, then shocks itself into reappearing at some other subject, but always, seemingly always, back on her. I wonder when I'll get my sanity back. Is this really so wrong, just allowing myself to wonder how it would be if I could be her partner? _

_In a sense, I already was. _

In a sense.

_That's just too cruel to even laugh at. _

_BAM! _

_Ouch. _

_My body hurts. _

_Why?_

_Oh, because my 'second-nature', 'easy-as-breathing' training and blocking punches and kicks, have failed me. I'm not surprised. I already knew I wasn't perfect, not even near enough perfect to stand a chance with her. Not in my wildest dreams, which I've already dreamed, already used. . . _

_Yes. _

_I guess I wouldn't mind, dying in her arms. _

_That's what Romeo and Juliet did, right? Well, one of them was already dead, and the other was not that much better off, come to think of it, but who really thinks about that when it's happening to you?_

_I don't. _

_So as I look up at the full moon, her beautiful face all scrunched up, even so adorable in tears and sniffles and crying, I smile. _

_It's not really that bad at all. _

_Nope. _

_I can smell that familiar tang of iron-like blood. Heh, ironic. Right. Even in death's clutches I can laugh about something like this. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just focus on saying my last words to her. Maybe. . ._

_*cough*_

_Oh, shoot. Yup, I'm shooting up blood. One tends to do that when you've got a major nosebleed thinking of your one beloved that's so wrapped up in taboo lines that she's practically married to a guy already. Oh, not to mention a big fat hole in your chest from that stupid youma who laughs like a duck. No offense to ducks, or anything. _

_*cough* _

_Enough ranting. I need to tell her. I need to. . ._

_I'm struggling to focus on her, am actually surprised she's right here, right here. . . I mean, there's four of them, not including me, so to be right there. . . Even dying, I'm courteous. How sweet. _

_At least I don't see Hotaru anywhere. If she does pop up, I'll beg for a few more seconds to confess to the one I-_

_"I love you, Ami- I. ."_

_And right there I'm pretty sure I died. Because I couldn't really see right then. It was like she was getting closer, and closer, and my vision was starting to warp, being so close like those censored panels you've gotta zoom in on, and her tears were all salty and I could barely hear my name-_

_"I love you, Makoto."_

_Soft. _

_So soft. _

_Was this what Heaven's Gates were like? All padded with sweet warmth that tasted like those favorite sandwhiches Ami ate that I made for her at lunch before this fight?_

_Then, if this was it. . . I'll imagine it as a kiss. _

_I can die now. _

_That's right. _

_Die, Makoto Kino. _

_Because I'm sure, on the other side of that gate, there will be a new world. A new world that's unexplored. At least, by me. And her. And until she gets good and ready to pass over into that new world, I'll be there, waiting. Getting rid of the evil there. _

_Of course, that's insulting Heaven, but for her, I want her to be happy. _

_"A-Ami, I want you. . to be. . ha-hap-py. . Don't. . cry, please. ."_

_So yes. _

_I'm dying. _

_I'm already blind. _

_I can smell her scent, and that's something I want to remember forever, that one thing that I could make mine when I was alive. Her scent. Mixed with her favorite sandwiches that I would take extra care to make. _

_I love her. . . _

"*GASP!*"

"Mako-chan! You're awake!"

Makoto grunted as she was jumped on, the pain in her chest swelling as her aching brain realized it was Ami that was jumping her. A sturdy bed held her throbbing form, and it was not one too comfy, either.

"A-Ami. . -chan. Why. . Um, why am I here? I thought I'd. . died."

Makoto wanted to take it all back when that soft quivering partner of hers pulled away. Tears dripped from her lake-blue eyes, the clear orbs hazed over a swolen red. Ami looked ruffled, something Makoto had never seen in her whole life, and inside, she was ashamedly glad.

Awkwardly holding the blue-haired girl by the shoulders, Makoto squeaked a bit when Ami burrowed into her arms, driving out all the stinging smell of disinfectant of the hospital.

"Eh. . ."

"Makoto, I thought you were going to die! I love you, damn it, don't you know that? I was going to go crazy and do something really bad if you died on me! I can't have that, I can't, I can't, I c-can't. .! *hick!*"

Wow. Now Ami was really sobbing, her tears hot and splishing down Makoto's open blue hospital nightgown that hung open at the back. Closing her eyes, Makoto gently drew her blue-haired angel to her, hugging her as tight as she could. The pain in her chest was something to scoff at now, now that Ami was in her arms.

Willingly.

Knowingly.

Makoto swore her heart was trembling, she was so happy that this had happened, no matter what the cost had been. Lowering her head to inhale deeply at the side of Ami's trembling neck, brunette grinned when the cute bookworm squeaked and tried to draw away, pulling her back close again when she felt Makoto flinch at the shooed pats.

"I'm sorry."

Ami hiccuped again, her burning tears turning ice cold as she clutched at Makoto, shaking her head fiercely. She was really like a child, Makoto mused, a small smile coming to her lips as she shifted her body so Ami was lying next to her, comfortable.

Cute and so adorable, only asking for things in the most directly innocent way she could for the first time in her life. Makoto sighed, then, chuckling.

It had taken her multiple deaths and many more knuckle-headed bonks on the head before she'd even had the courage to tell her angel how she felt about her. Even in the past, which she'd seen before she'd 'died', flashing before her eyes, the Jupiter she was back then was a bumbling idiot.

Drawing Ami close to her, Makoto gently nuzzled the silky blue locks, all time and place fading away as Ami Mizuno, normal girl of bright genius and Sailor Mercury to boot, relaxed into her, her hacking sobs fading away into hiccuping breaths.

"But, to tell you the truth, not really sorry. It. . . It hurt a lot more, when you said we were best friends, and you hugged me, and that was that. I'm sorry, but not really. Because. . . I'm selfish. I want it all, Ami Mizuno. I want to protect you, and if it means to die to confess to you so I can protect you, I will."

Silence weighed lightly on the two as soft thunder lulled them into a slow throbbing sleep. The lights had been dimmed, and Makoto dimly wondered if Ami had pulled some strings to stay the night here.

It was soothing, the gentle patter of rain on the roof, a small flicker of lightning lighting up the world outside only to whisk it away a second later, promising a new tomorrow fresh from the pain. Closing her eyes, Makoto wondered if everything she'd done to hide her feelings, to hide her real self in liking Ami Mizuno, was gone.

Was all that effort wasted?

Feeling Ami shift against her, Makoto grinned into the darkness. Gingerly rolling to her side, the brunette reached down and took Ami's hand, gently guiding it to her chest and over her heart.

Ami sighed against her, slowly easing herself closer. Makoto groaned, then, a soft purr of pleasure as she felt her heart beat under her love's hand, strong and true for only one. THE only one.

Ami.

No, Makoto decided. She hadn't wasted any effort. All that had been to grow, to fester, to turn into something deliciously sweet after so many bitter days and nights of wanting, of wishing. Thunder rumbled outside, but it was a gentle crooning of tamed beast, set to satisfaction.

"I'm not that great in love like Minako is, Ami. I'm not full of fire or happiness like Rei or Usagi, either. Truth is, I've started to think I was going to grow old and die without finding someone who knows me like I am, y'know? But then. . ."

Makoto blushed.

Burrowing her nose into Ami's soft, sweet hair, she smiled. Well, if this confession scared off someone who she'd come to like, to love, someone whose smile made that pitter-patter of heart inside of her feel like she was alive. . .

If this ran her off, well. . .

"I met you. And I really thought something was wrong with me. I don't know, not really wrong, like, wow, I've just stuck my finger in an electrical outlet because that makes me feel stronger and all, but, wow, I can't believe I've fallen for my best friend. Is this really how I feel, or am I just making things up. Something like that, I guess. And. . . I can honestly say, I love you."

Squeezing her eyes tight shut, Makoto felt the thunder outside rumble, running along the sky' s heartbeat and throbbing in the same motion as her own heart.

"I love you."

Shivering, Makoto drew Ami close again, comforted by the feeling of warmth, of protected security. Even though she wasn't being held, Ami was there for her, always, she could count on her to be there as a friend.

As a best friend. . .

"Makoto, I've said it before. And. . . until you can believe me or you're just out of it from the drugs pumped into you and your near-death state, I'll say it again. I love you. Please. I don't want to let go of this heat in my heart, Makoto. It feels good, and if this what love is like, then I've never felt it before for anyone. Only you, Makoto. I love you."

And the dam broke.

Something inside of her swelled, tightened, in her chest, coiling tighter, tighter, where it felt painful, but then. . .

Thunder outside clapped in numerous rejoice, and Makoto grinned as she pulled away and gently drew Ami up for a kiss. This time she wasn't halfway on her road to death. This time she wasn't dreaming. This time Ami really saw her as her.

This time that warmth was a solid heat, unfurling like a well-cared-for flower.

"I love you."

No one was sure who said it, no one was sure if it was said at all. All they knew was what they felt, that shared link and bond only precious, rare partners could claim lay to. That feeling grew, and grew, until they were headily drunk with it.

Yes, they thought, cuddling closer under the purring thunder and soft, gentle warm rain.

_*I love you.*_

And that wasn't going to change, even in death's embrace and the many pains and aches life would throw at them. Makoto and Ami, soulmates of ice and thunder.

000000000000000000000000

A/N: -.-; eh-heh, I think I'm getting hooked on drabbles. ^^; But I wanted to do something kinda sad, but not to the point it was too poofy sad! . Aw, well. ^^ As usual, thanks for reading, and take care! Ja!


End file.
